Handcuffs...Not Fuzzy

It was a normal Thursday morning, we were late, per usual, but I was doing my best to actually stop the car before I chucked Jack out the door at school!  Kidding, I always stop the car, but usually make him run up to the door by himself - one of his teachers is always right there waiting, don't judge me!

Side rant: Why am I always late, no matter how early I wake up, no matter what time of day, where we are going, who is going to be there, life or death - always late! I was never like this before kids were invented!? 

On this particular morning, Miss Crystal actually yelled for me, dammit, so I started walking up the drive. She was laughing, this can't be good; laughing + Jack is never good! Did he bite someone? Kick them in the muff? Pull their hair? Punch them in the boobies? Say they have a small penis? A million inappropriate scenarios were instantly running through my head...

Miss C: Did Tonya tell you about our Community discussion on Tuesday?
Me: No idea what you are talking about!? I'm late!
Miss C: Well you know, we are discussing our community right now during class!

I start back pedaling towards my car, emphasizing my lateness hurry...

Me: Oh, that's cool! Awesome!
Miss C: But Tonya didn't tell you what Jack said the other day?!

I'm now slightly dying on the inside! No, I don't know what he said and I'm 99% positive I don't want to know what he said - like EVER, FML...

Me: Uh....no, I don't think so!?

The minute I saw the smirk on Jack's face and him spin on his heels and hightailed it inside, I knew this was going to be super awesome...

Miss C: Well, we were talking about our community and the people in it...so I was asking the kids to raise their hands if they knew a Teacher, a Fireman, whatever. When I asked if anyone knew a Policeman, Jack kind of looked puzzled, then slowly raised his hand and said "I'm not totally sure, but I think my Daddy was a policeman a long time ago because I found some handcuffs in his bedroom!"

I busted out laughing, hysterically and was just shaking my head! Miss Crystal was laughing too...

Me: He did NOT!?
Miss C: Yeah, he did...he absolutely did!
Me: Well, I guess I should be honest...those weren't his Daddy's, they are mine! I also was NEVER a policeman and if you want to know, they aren't fuzzy! I'm hardcore, if you know what I mean!

I winked at her, she was hysterically laughing and wiping tears from her eyes! I continued to laugh, told her to have a good day and got in my car.

The story gets slightly better, if that's even possible! Jack's class went to visit the fire station the next week and got a little demonstration from a fireman about all his equipment, toured a fire truck, whatever right!? I ran in to Miss Crystal one evening at the park a few days later and she told me that I should be proud because Jack got it right this time! I was like what do you mean?  She said that when they were at the fire station Jack made it a point to tell the fireman doing the tour that his Momma had handcuffs in her bedroom, that they weren't the fuzzy kind, but that you were NEVER a policeman! 

That kid, I swear! He will be the death of me by public humiliation! He's lucky he is so damn cute!

What's the most embarrassing moment you've experienced at the hands of your kid(s)?!