Friday, May 23, 2014

These are the texts of my life...

The Fine Print: These are all actual text message screenshots from my iPhone! These conversations really did all take place! I have removed names to protect my friend's privacy! Ha! Enjoy!

You're Welcome!

Look at your text feed right NOW! What's the funniest text string!? Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!

I hope everyone has a FANTASTIC and SAFE holiday weekend!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Just call me Coach!

Alright Ladies, it's time for my first BEACHBODY post!  Holla!

I promise I'm not going to start shoving it down your throats like all the time! BUT I did want to make sure y'all know about the 21 Day Fix Challenge Group I'm hosting! It starts on June 2nd, which is a Monday so that food prep can be done on Sunday - I originally said June 1st but since that's Sunday I decided to switch it because I like my Saturdays; I mean who doesn't, right!?

I'm super excited about hosting my first group challenge and I think The 21 Day Fix is the perfect program to start with because it's simple to understand and follow, the workouts are only 30 minutes and I LOVE THEM! I haven't done the challenge start to finish yet so I will be doing it for the first time with my group BUT I use the workouts like all the time! If you are interested in joining the group email me at or click HERE to head right to my website! Just hit the "shop" link and then find The 21 Day Fix!

The program is $59.85 and you get the workouts - 7 total plus a BONUS 10 min abs and BONUS piyo workout! The meal plan and portion control containers! I honestly think the workouts ALONE are worth the $60, for serious!

The other option is The 21 Day Fix Challenge Pack! It runs $160 but you get everything I listed above PLUS a 30 day supply of Shakeology! It's like getting the fix program for only $10 basically! Shakeology is a meal replacement shake, but it's so much more then that! The health and nutritional benefits are awesome! They say each $4 shake has the same nutritional value as $40 worth of food (and no I don't have proof of that statement so don't ask)! I can tell you from my personal experience that the shakes are super filling, I have more energy, I'm more regular (you know in the bathroom), I sleep better and by having my shake in the AM I find I'm craving less junk food and sweets - but that's just me!

I'm also thinking of offering individual Shakeology packets for sale so y'all can try different flavors before you order an entire 30 day supply! Anyone interested in some samples?!  Here's what I'm thinking on the pricing (because I have to purchase the samples myself) and the amounts do include shipping! I would have Chocolate, Vanilla and Strawberry available! I'm sure there will be a giveaway thrown in the mix as well! Let me know what y'all think!

Happy Wellness Wednesday, Friends! Now, who wants some samples!? 

Friday, May 16, 2014

Sorry I'm Not Sorry

"BLOGGER shot caller" T is a Whitney Ellen IWYP Original! #duh

Happy Friday! It's time to link up with Crystal Michelle for this week's edition of the Sorry I'm Not Sorry linkup! This week's topic is Parenting...this should be a good shit storm of enjoyment and judgement for Those Moms, you know the ones...I don't even need to say more!

So, here's a what you’re going to do: Today's link up is a little different because Skinny Meg I guess got confused; so today you just need to give 5 “Sorry I’m not Sorry” phrases about parenting! Then link up HERE

Sorry, I'm not sorry...that Norah's currently addicted to chocolate milk AND I let her take a cup to bed!
I know what y'all are thinking "Ahh...hell nah!" but you know what, her baby teeth are going to fall out anyway, and every kid is going to have to have braces and all that jazz and you know what-what, if her teeth come in black and rotted...there's always veneers! Holla! I know that is going to send some of you over the ledge, teeth seems to be a big trigger for whatever reason! PS - We absolutely brush her teeth twice a day, AM and PM - we just kind of cancel the PM one out with the chocolate milk! Eh...I'm not losing sleep over it, there are worse things...

Sorry, I'm not sorry...that Jack turns FIVE in 2 weeks and he still sleeps in my bed!
The Husband is a Gypsy, he is always gone - traveling for work, like all the time! So I take FULL responsibility, but I honestly do not care! He started sleeping with us a little after he turned one, damn teething, so I am just as "used to" and comfortable with him being there as he is! Granted, when The Husband IS home, the bed does tend to get crowed rather quickly when you add Jack and Oscar, our 70 pound boxer, that also sleeps with me! I know...I know...but could you say no to him!? I also love how his first "no" answer right at the beginning is a little "sorry, I'm not sorry-esque!"

Sorry, I'm not sorry...but I loathe, LOATHE bath time!
I don't personally understand all the parents that LOVE bath time, I HATE it - like with a seething passion! It really doesn't have anything to do with spending quality time with my kids, watching them splash around with their bath toys, squirt each other in the face with water thus making each other scream like hyenas or the fact that more water ends up outside of the tub on my floor, on the walls, the, it really stems back to my hatred for being wet without purpose! If I'm not showering, swimming or working out, I do not want to be wet, particularly my hands (of course I wash them, don't be dumb)! I don't do dishes for this same reason, if I'm doing laundry and it's still "wet-wet" when I go to move it to the laundry I will run another spin cycle, I refuse to like "water the plants" outside, I just don't like it! I don't like getting my being wet without reason, it makes me itchy! You know what I'm saying?! Anyway, not sorry!

Sorry, I'm not sorry...but I hate "kid" things!
This is mostly geared towards kid clothing, music, movies (minus Frozen, duh) and other dumb shit! Let me break each of those down...CLOTHES, why do we insist on dressing our kids like douchebags?! I don't do cartoon/Disney characters, I don't do princesses, I don't do superheros, I don't do weird little animals, I don't do pale pink or blue or the gender neutral yellow and green! I will however tolerate some "kid" crap on their pajamas...sometimes...maybe...if I've been drinking or popped a Valium - kidding...kind of. MUSIC, my kids listen to whatever I'm listening too - period! Remember this? 

I won't say we haven't listened to Frozen (100 million times too many), but if it's on the "popular music" radio station or (worse) on Momma's iPhone...they hear it! MOVIES, Friday night movie night is a bit of a tradition around our house - Jack has input sometimes, which is basically scary or funny, but he watches whatever The Gypsy and I want to watch...WHATEVER! Rated R, Non-Rated, PG-13, ratings don't matter in our house. Jack knows what's up - if there is nudity he covers his eyes, if they curse he covers his ears, if it's scary he hides his face in my side, if it's inappropriately hilarious he laughs his ass off!

Sorry, I'm not sorry...but I'm fully aware of the fact that I am raising the "cool" kids and I love it!
They are fun, inappropriate, outgoing, loving, naughty, caring, well behaved, limit testing, above average attractive, stylish, crazy, mean, active and they ARE MINE! 

BONUS! Sorry, I'm not sorry...that Jack knows about MUFFS and CUFFS! LOL

I can't wait to read all about everyone's parenting skillzzz! Head on over and get your link on! Happy Friday!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Handcuffs...Not Fuzzy

It was a normal Thursday morning, we were late, per usual, but I was doing my best to actually stop the car before I chucked Jack out the door at school!  Kidding, I always stop the car, but usually make him run up to the door by himself - one of his teachers is always right there waiting, don't judge me!

Side rant: Why am I always late, no matter how early I wake up, no matter what time of day, where we are going, who is going to be there, life or death - always late! I was never like this before kids were invented!? 

On this particular morning, Miss Crystal actually yelled for me, dammit, so I started walking up the drive. She was laughing, this can't be good; laughing + Jack is never good! Did he bite someone? Kick them in the muff? Pull their hair? Punch them in the boobies? Say they have a small penis? A million inappropriate scenarios were instantly running through my head...

Miss C: Did Tonya tell you about our Community discussion on Tuesday?
Me: No idea what you are talking about!? I'm late!
Miss C: Well you know, we are discussing our community right now during class!
I start back pedaling towards my car, emphasizing my lateness hurry...
Me: Oh, that's cool! Awesome!
Miss C: But Tonya didn't tell you what Jack said the other day?!
I'm now slightly dying on the inside! No, I don't know what he said and I'm 99% positive I don't want to know what he said - like EVER, FML...
Me:, I don't think so!?
The minute I saw the smirk on Jack's face and him spin on his heels and hightailed it inside, I knew this was going to be super awesome...
Miss C: Well, we were talking about our community and the people in I was asking the kids to raise their hands if they knew a Teacher, a Fireman, whatever. When I asked if anyone knew a Policeman, Jack kind of looked puzzled, then slowly raised his hand and said "I'm not totally sure, but I think my Daddy was a policeman a long time ago because I found some handcuffs in his bedroom!"
I busted out laughing, hysterically and was just shaking my head! Miss Crystal was laughing too...
Me: He did NOT!?
Miss C: Yeah, he did...he absolutely did!
Me: Well, I guess I should be honest...those weren't his Daddy's, they are mine! I also was NEVER a policeman and if you want to know, they aren't fuzzy! I'm hardcore, if you know what I mean!
I winked at her, she was hysterically laughing and wiping tears from her eyes! I continued to laugh, told her to have a good day and got in my car.

The story gets slightly better, if that's even possible! Jack's class went to visit the fire station the next week and got a little demonstration from a fireman about all his equipment, toured a fire truck, whatever right!? I ran in to Miss Crystal one evening at the park a few days later and she told me that I should be proud because Jack got it right this time! I was like what do you mean?  She said that when they were at the fire station Jack made it a point to tell the fireman doing the tour that his Momma had handcuffs in her bedroom, that they weren't the fuzzy kind, but that you were NEVER a policeman! 

That kid, I swear! He will be the death of me by public humiliation! He's lucky he is so damn cute!

What's the most embarrassing moment you've experienced at the hands of your kid(s)?!

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

So What!? Wednesday

Real quick! Today is the LAST DAY to order from my Online Younique Party! If you want all the details click HERE! Otherwise, here is the link to the party - go get your shop on!

Even though Shannon doesn't officially host So What!? Wednesday anymore like the old days, I still like to throw it back and let off some steam every Wednesday now and again, so let's do this!
This week I'm saying So What!? if...

  • Jack can't say his ABC's in English, but he sure does love trying in Spanish!
  • I'm kind of obsessed with the @LOOKHUMAN Instagram account! If I need a mental break and a laugh, scrolling through their Tee collection does the trick in a hot second! Here are some of my favorites as of late! You can find their website HERE too!
  • I am now a BEACHBODY Coach and even thought I haven't figured it all out just yet, I'm super stoked! I just wish I had more time to devote to the whole thing...The Husband just needs to make me a Real Housewife of SEK, dammit! 
However - here are the links to my BEACHBODY websites! Look around, if you see anything that interests you let me know! We can chat and figure out what products would be best for you! Yay!

Seriously! The Shakeology is awesome! I drink at least one a day! They just make me feel BETTER! More ENERGY, Less TIRED, Better SLEEP and they keep me full FOREVER! 

  • I've been struggling with THIS lately! Queso is my vice...

  • I rocked a weird Mushroom-esque Man-do my senior year of HS...apparently I wasn't the only one!

  • My Kids ARE Cuter Then Yours! Holla! #sorrynotsorry

What are YOU saying So What!? to this week!?

Friday, May 9, 2014

Sorry I'm Not Sorry

Happy Friday! It's time to link up with Crystal Michelle for this week's edition of the Sorry I'm Not Sorry linkup! This week's topic is DRINKING...dun, dun, dun! Ha!

So, here's a what you’re going to do: Use the phrase “Sorry I’m not Sorry” Before each fill in the blank phrase below!  Then link up, comment on the host blog and one other blog that also link'd up too!
Super Easy and Fun! Oooooh, and BONUS...there's a Starbucks gift card for the best entry!

Let's do this!

Sorry, I'm not sorry but... one time after a night of drinking I woke up:
On the floor of the Chanute Super 8 Motel; legs in the bathroom, waist up on the carpet...It.Was.Gross!

Sorry, I'm not sorry but... I was so drunk one time I threw up:
all up in my crotch! I had just laid down on my friends trundle bed (we were 14, this was the first time I had ever been drunk and it was off Sour Apple Pucker), things quickly started spinning and I didn't know all the tricks of the trade yet! I just knew that my friend's parents had just had new carpet installed throughout the house and I wasn't about to go I sat straight up and up-chucked it right there in my crotch on the bed! It.Was.Awful!

Sorry, I'm not sorry but...the first time I drank alcohol I was:
In 6th grade, at my friend's house in her back alley! For some reason I keep thinking we were drinking Everclear, but I could be wrong! We took a few sips and thought we were wasted! LOL! Oh to be young, dumb and seriously confused! It.Was.Disgusting!

Sorry, I'm not sorry but... the most fun I've ever had that involved drinking was:
The Booze Cruise in the Bahamas for our high school senior trip (me and 7 of my BFF's unchaperoned in the Bahamas for 7 nights and 8 days...what were our parents thinking)! Those were the days, before the Natalie Halloway's and all the sex trafficking...we were carefree and really, really stupid! But that cruise was the BEST memory I have of my high school group of girlfriends! It.Was.Amazing!

Sorry, I'm not sorry but... my favorite thing to do when I'm drunk is:
Text! Enough said... It.Isn't.Good!

Sorry, I'm not sorry but... when I am drunk you know because I totally:
Dance my ass off! It.Is.Hilarious!

Sorry, I'm not sorry but... Vodka makes me:
Happy! Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof! Because I'm Happy! Clap along if you feel that happiness is the truth! It.Is.Delicious!

Sorry, I'm not sorry but... I was so drunk once that I cried about:
This one is hard...I'm not a sappy, crier girl when I'm drunk! I'm more like the meaner, angry girl when I get THAT drunk! It.Is.Scary!

Sorry, I'm not sorry but... Social Media sometimes makes me need a drink!
People be CRAY! It.Isn't.Cool!

Sorry, I'm not sorry but... if I could get drunk with anyone it would for sure be:
Miley Cyrus! Holla! I just have a feeling that girl can par-tay and if you are going to do might as well go big or go home! It.Would.Be.Awesome!

That's all the questions for this round! Now, get your link up on! Don't forget to check out Michelle's page HERE for the actual link up do-dad deal! 

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Fun Friday Link Up!

I know it's only Thursday, but I wanted to fill y'all in on the link up I'm co-hosting with Crystal Michelle tomorrow! I participated in the Sorry I'm Not Sorry link up last Friday and I won a Starbucks gift card and the honor of co-hosting this week! Yay! You can read last week's post HERE!

This week's Sorry I'm Not Sorry topic is drinking...dun, dun, dun! Here are this week's phrases! So fun!

Sorry I'm not sorry but... one time after a night of drinking I woke up _____
Sorry I'm not sorry but... I was so drunk one time I threw up _____
Sorry I'm not sorry but... the first time I drank alcohol I was _____
Sorry I'm not sorry but... the most fun I've ever had that involved drinking was _____
Sorry I'm not sorry but... my favorite thing to do when I'm drunk is _____
Sorry I'm not sorry but... when I am drunk you know because I totally_____
Sorry I'm not sorry but... Vodka makes me _____
Sorry I'm not sorry but... I was so drunk once that I cried about _____
Sorry I'm not sorry but... _____ makes me need a drink.
Sorry I'm not sorry but... if I could get drunk with anyone it would for sure be _____

So, here's a what you’re going to do: Use the phrase “Sorry I’m not Sorry” Before each fill in the blank phrase below!  Then link up, comment on the host blog (Crystal Michelle's) and one other blog that also link'd up too!
Super Easy and Fun! Oooooh, and BONUS...there's a Starbucks gift card for the best entry!

So...who all wants to join in on the fun and link up!? Join us! Join us! Join us! What's better then a link up on Friday? Nothing! Exactly!

See y'all back here tomorrow AM!

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Bad Ass Status

Warning! This post is picture heavy and I won't apologize for it! Sorry, not sorry!

This past weekend I completed my SECOND Tough Mudder, that makes me a BAD ASS! Our course was 10.9 miles and had 25 obstacles! I'll be honest, some of the obstacles are "space fillers" while others are seriously hard core!

Here are some of my favorite obstacles, and by favorite I mean HARD, SCARY, MUDDY, PAINFUL!

Holla! I have to admit, this round of Mudder was easier then the first time by far! I'm not sure why, if it was the obstacles, the way the course was laid out or what!? I went into this one thinking it'd be my last, but now that The Husband has done one...he wants to do MORE! So I be continued!

Have you done a Tough Mudder?! Have plans to do one?! We are looking at doing the STL one in October...who's in?!

Monday, May 5, 2014

Younique 3D Mascara Party

Happy Cinco De Mayo, Friends! Eek! I survived my second Tough Mudder this weekend! Yay! I will have a post up later this week with all the dirty details!

Guess what today is?! Today is the start of my Younique 3D Mascara Online Party! Holla!  If we are friends on Facebook and you want to be added to the party group let me know; I added a bunch of friends this morning that had mentioned they were interested!

About 2-3 months ago I fell in love with Younique's Moodstruck 3D Fiber Lashes! They are awesome! I will let the pictures do the talking! I'm also going to try to get a video made for y'all in the next couple days so you can see the application process and results live!

These are my results! In the top picture I have on zero mascara, in the middle pic I have on one coat of Estee Lauder Voluminous mascara and in the bottom picture I have on only ONE coat of the 3D Fiber Lashes!
More amazing results!
Younique offers a full line of makeup products! From makeup brushes, moisturizers, foundation, eye shadow, lip gloss, cleansers and everything else in between!

I'm super excited to try their Brilliant moisturizer! It's a facial moisturizer, but people have been having awesome results using it to fade stretch marks! Holla! So it will definitely be my next purchase!

If you aren't on Facebook and want to order from my party here is the link! The party is open until May 14th, so you have plenty of time to get your shop on! 

When you go to the party site, it will look like this!

Click on the "Shop from my party now" link and it will take you to this screen!  From there you can click on any of the headers to see the products under each category! Yay!

Feel free to browse around the party and place an order for anything that catches your eye! I'd love to hear what products you like, if you've tried them before or what products interest you that you'd like to try! Or what products you ordered if you do! I love me some makeup!

BONUS! The first 8 people to place orders through my party will receive a FREE full size eye minerals pigment (eye shadow) and you get to chose the color! Holla!

If you have any questions, feel free to leave a comment on this post - please include your email in the post so that Annie or I can make sure to get you an answer! Thanks, Y'all!