Holidays & In-Laws

I'm posting from BlogPress on my phone so I will apologize in advance for auto-corrected words that won't make any sense, misspelled words, missing words and the all around confusion that will likely result.

I need some feedback and opinions and who better to ask then my closest, almost 100 followers, blogging besties!?

Here's my conundrum... The sharing, or lack there of, of holidays with the in-laws. I've mentioned this before, The Husband's family is very selfish with holiday time... and this applies to all holidays, all year round.

A quick family rundown for me and The Husband...
My Family Low Down - My parents are divorced, have been since I was like 4 or 5. My Dad is remarried to the girl I thought was my babysitter because she is only 13 years my senior. My Mom never remarried and lives alone with her 3 cats. My only brother is engaged to his soon-to-be second wife, he has a 4 year old girl with his ex-wife and a 2 year old boy with his one night stand. Then there is me, the "normal" one.

The Husband's Family Low Down - His parents have been married for 30 years, no one is divorced anywhere within the immediate family. His Grandparents have been married 50 years. His brother is married with 1 kid. His 2 sisters were adopted in the last 6-7 years after The Husband and his brother graduated college and moved out of their parent's house. His Grandparents, Parents, all Aunts/Uncles, his Brother and all his cousins still live in the same town where he grew up. The Husband is the only person in the family that has moved away from his small 3,000 people hometown!

Couldn't be more different, huh? With all the divorces on my side it's hard to schedule things so that everyone can get together - between my mom working Saturdays, my brother arranging both his kids with both baby-Momma's and my Dad bowing down, scared shitless of my babysitter (his wife)... It's a shit storm to say the least. This is why I never really pressed the holiday time/sharing situation. But now that I have my own kids and my brother has kids I feel like the way we've been going about holidays the last 7 years is totally unfair, one-sided and fucked up!

Here is a summary, with examples, of how we spend each holiday:

Easter - We always spend Easter Sunday at his Grandparent's house and wait on the rolls. Then we work in my family the following weekend or even two weeks later.

Memorial Day Weekend - Spear Family Reunion Sat/Sun. On Sunday we visit like 5 different cemeteries all around Tulsa, OK - this is so much fun I almost stab my eyeballs out at cemetery #2 every year! Monday we again meet his whole family (all 23 people in his immediate family on his Dad's side) and spend 4 hours driving all over SEK to another 4-6 cemeteries, on this day I just take a flask with vanilla vodka, get drunk and roll my eyes...a lot! My family does nothing, like normal people.

4th of July - We spend all day at his Grandparent's house sitting outside in the 100+ degree heat. Have I ever mentioned I don't do sitting and sweating? IMO there is never a reason to sweat when you are simply sitting and not moving! Totally unacceptable in my world! Again, my family doesn't get together on Independence Day and read the Constitution or whatever old document that have us freedom was/is.

Halloween (no I'm not kidding) - His parent's have a Halloween party every.single.fucking.year. I get it, he has 2 younger sisters - however, said sisters are old enough (14 and 11) they don't want a Halloween party either!

Thanksgiving and Christmas are where my problem/aggravation lies/lays - do I have an English teacher flower? Which way is that supposed to go!? Lies/Lays?!?

Thanksgiving - Thanksgiving Day we are always at his Grandparent's house. There are always rolls and they are always late! We usually go back to C-Town to see my family like that following Saturday (keep in mind we have to do two-fors in C-Town... Dad and Mom separately). Then The Husband's mother seems to forget that we just had their Thanksgiving on Thursday, and she has another Thanksgiving on Sunday. Yes, I'm serious.

Christmas - This is where I get really annoyed... Christmas Eve, his grandparent's house for dinner and gifts (his family buys gifts for everyone, they don't like do kids only or draw names - needless to say The Husband uses his own money for all of that shit! I think it's ridiculous!). Now, get this shit... Christmas morning, bright and early...like 6am... We have to be back at his parent's house for Santa (we live about 35-40 minutes away from them) no I'm not shitting/teasing/fucking with you. His parents make his sisters wait on us to get there to do Santa and all their gifts. This drives me more bat-shit, I'm going to kill someone, crazy then waiting on the fucking rolls! Then we "hang out" at their house all.damn.day. When do we see my family you ask? Well, usually the weekend before or the weekend after Christmas.

So here are my questions...
1. Is your Holiday situation similar?
2. Do you share or rotate Holidays each year? Like switch off Thanksgiving and Christmas each year with each other's families...
3. Should I demand we share holidays? The major ones anyway...if yes, how should I approach this subject, without being called an even bigger Bitch then I already am, not that I really care though!
4. Give me your thoughts and ideas, PLEASE!!

xoxo Darci

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Santa Picture Fail - A Link Up...

Happy Wednesday, Hookstars Friends!
(this is the holiday season after all - friends seems more appropriate, see I'm not a Bitch 24/7...)

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I'm super excited because I'm losing my Link Up Host V-Card today!  If only my Hot Box (Love You Nancy Clue) V-Card could have lasted half as long as my Link Up V-Card maybe I wouldn't have been called a slut in high school!  Oh well, no dwelling on to my "too adventurous, curious, but oh so fun, sorry you boyfriend likes me more than you, them Bitches were just jealous" past and how totally AWESOME it was... man, those really were the days!

Whoa, that quickly went a stray didn't it?!  Haha! 

Ok, today I'm talking about every Parent's favorite way to torture their kids annual nightmare... a visit to see the man, the myth - Kris Kringle, good 'ole Saint Nick, Fat Guy in the Red Suit, Father Christmas, Black Peter (for all you Moroccans, but seriously... Black Peter? that sounds more like something a guy with an awful STD gets...), or if you like the traditional Santa Clause or Santa for short!  We as parents know what we are getting into every year as Christmas nears... the screaming, the crying, the look of pure terror, scarring them for life and potentially turning our children into psychopathic, serial killers that will indeed murder us in our sleep in 20 years!  But every year we do it.  We get them dressed up and "pump" them up for weeks in advance - "Santa is so cool!  Santa is nice!  He's fat, all fat guys are nice! He will bring you gifts!  I'll buy you wwhhhhaaattteeevvveeerr you want if you just sit on the F'n guy's lap..."  Blah, Blah, Blah, all the while praying selfishly to ourselves that we end up with just ONE decent shot for this year's Christmas Card so that our Fat Momma Asses don't have to be on it AGAIN in the dreaded "Family Photo"... Am I right ladies, or am I right?  I know I'm right!

So, let's get to it... I'm going to present these to you in order from Least Funny Horrible to Most Hysterical Horrible!

Exhibit A - Jack's Very First Santa Encounter

Santa Stats

Year: 2010

Jack's Age: 18 Months

Location: Work Christmas Party

Santa Quality Rating: -3

Overall Experience: Boring

 

First, let me apologize for the shitty ass, cell phone quality picture!  I have to say, this Santa even gave me the creeps - he was early 20's, had obvious brown hair, weighted maybe a Buck-Fifty, and gave off the general "I'm going to eat your kids" vibe! Thus the reason for the Negative Three rating.  Needless to say, I couldn't really can't blame Jack for his "Get me the F out of here!" expression!  He also went catatonic, froze and was stiff as a board!  He never screamed, but there was absolutely no way in hell he was going to smile, ever!  All in all, not a horrible experience, boring at most.

 

Exhibit B - Jack's Third, Norah's First Santa Encounter



Santa Stats

Year: 2012

Jack's Age: 3.5 Years

Norah's Age: 9 Months

Location: Images by Stacey Photography Studio

Santa Quality Rating: 10! Motha' F'n 10!

Overall Experience: Fan-Freak'n-Tastic

 

I wish you could see more of the background, but this image is only on the ornament we got - it is what it is!  I love Stacey's Santa - he is the real deal, y'all!  This is the second year we've gone to Images by Stacey for our Santa pictures and we won't go anywhere else from now on!  Jack was quick to climb on Santa's lap and Norah didn't protest to me plopping her big, puffy, diapered bottom right down on his knee either...for the first 30 seconds!  It was about that time you could just see it click on her face..."there's my Momma, there's my Daddy...who the F is holding me?" She promptly turned around, saw Santa's beard, pulled it and started crying!  Me, being the fabulous mother that I am, laughed and told Stacey to keep taking pictures as Norah continued to get more and more upset!  My main man, Jack, thought it was hilarious as well!  Santa proved he is a true professional as he maintained his poise and looked oh so caring/lovingly at Norah!  The proof is in the picture and I love PROOF!  Also, after I grudgingly nabbed Norah off Santa's lap, Jack proceeded to tell him what he wanted for Christmas - a hunting 4-wheeler, a hunting shotgun, a hunting pisshole (pistol), a hunting holster and hunting clothes... seriously, he is The Husband's son. 

 

Exhibit C - Jack's Second Santa Encounter

Santa Stats

Year: 2011

Jack's Age: 2.5 Years

Location: Images by Stacey Photography Studio

Santa Quality Rating: 10!

Overall Experience: Traumatic (for Jack) and Awesome (for Momma)





This picture is the epitome of a Classic Santa Picture Fail!  Classic, I say!  The entire experience, from the moment we stepped through the door at the studio, I knew we were in for some Santa trouble!  As soon as Jack saw Santa, he tensed up and tightened his Kung-Fu grip on my leg! I eventually picked him up and walked slowly towards Kris (Kringle that is), talking to Jack the whole way - "You just have to sit on his lap and tell him what you want for Christmas!  I'll go get you a toy when we are done!  You want ice cream?"  Nothing worked and Jack was not going to be letting me put him down anytime soon, not as long as the Big Guy in Red was in the room.  Stacey asked if I wanted to just skip it... I replied with a quick, "Hell no!  You get ready, I'm just going to peel him off and put him on his lap and see what we get!"  Above is what we got and I love it!  I had literally just peeled my shirt out of Jack's right hand and Stacey snapped 2 shots and we got lucky!  Again, Stacey's Santa had an MVPS performance, smiling at the camera like a sleeping newborn was in his arms - not the screaming, bucking, kicking toddler that was my son!  Best part, as soon as Jack got off Santa's lap and we started to walk away he said, "Now, where's my Elmo?"

 

Now I leave you with our "good" - although boring - Santa Picture for 2012! 

Merry Christmas, Y'all!

xoxo

Holla...

I have ZERO time, this will be quick and picture oriented!

Biggest Item:  Tomorrow is the Santa Picture Fail Link Up!  Don't forget!  I love Santa picture nightmares, be sure to include the story behind the picture too!

 1. Norah loves her some bath time!

2. Jack @ wrestling practice!  His shoes kill me they are SO cute!

3. Think it's time I admit my hair isn't as black as it once was...time to dye it?

4.  Tom Hardy - Enough Said...

 

 1. Work Christmas Party #1...

2. Colorful Christmas Trees along the interstate!

3. I joined Keek - darci_spear - find me, yo!

4. The 4 hour drive home sucked Big Hairy Balls - not that I've ever done that!

 

 1. Sunday Birthday Party (after the 4 hour drive home)

2. Smart Cars ARE NOT Smart...

3. Norah being Norah!

4.  Me about to kick my computer's ass b/c he was being a dick!

 

Last night I worked and drank Marshmallows with some Hot Chocolate!  I also learned Jack has his first imaginary friends - Taco and Rice!  I knew there was some Mexican in him some where!

 Can I get a big "Hell Yes!" for gas being under $3.00/gallon!?  Hell Yes!!

 

On a serious note, I have been nomiated for a few Leibster Awards and I am so, so, so flattered!  And I will answer all the questions ASAP!  I love you girls!

 

Come back tomorrow for the Link Up!  xoxo

Swag Swap Goodies...

It's Friday Bitches!  What!?  What!?

Yesterday was a doozie - sick as F!  It sucked, but I'm feeling much better today - thank you sweet baby Jesus!  However, due to the Flu I'm already like 48% of the way to my Holiday Weight Loss Challenge goal!  Score!

I'm horrible for not blogging about this sooner, but better late than never I always say - like every morning when I get to work 15, 20, 30, or even 60 minutes late!  Whoopsie!

Kassie over at Southern Girl Gets Fit hosted a Blogger Swag Swap last month and I was paired with Cari from The Crazy Kents.  Cari and I have so much in common!  Our kids are the same age, she's married, I'm married, she helps people (nurse), I hate on people (bitch), she loves running, I make myself run... see, basically the same person!  Haha!

Cari sent me a ton of great stuff!  I'm not sure why the top picture is sideways, but I can't get it to turn - where is Hubby Jack when you need him?!

My Loot!  :-)

I have to say my most favorite thing is that little spoon thing you are supposed to use when cooking (yeah, I'm not a cooker - big surprise), but of course I won't be using it in the kitchen!  Also, included was a cute Christmas hand towel, 2 peppermint Luna bars (which Jack stole and loved) and the super awesome Mustache drink markers - those sucka's are NYE bound!

I also got some running gear - awesome zebra socks, a cute pink chevron headband and tons of hair ties contained nicely in a mustache bag (which went straight into my gym bag)! Also, not pictured is an awesome water bottle that helps you keep track of how much water you have drank that day!

Next was the "personal grooming" items - an emery board, manicure kit and lip gloss!  Holla!  Also, not pictured was OPI nail polish in You Don't Know Jaques - I love it!

Thanks, Cari - I loved everything!  You rock sista!

Lastly, next Wednesday is the big day!  The Santa Picture Fail Link Up!  Dig out those pictures this weekend and be ready to do a kinky linky with me - minus the kink!  Holla!  Big thanks to Holly's husband for the button!

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Have a great weekend lovelies!

xoxo

Weekend Rewind...

December Fit Challenges:

 

Who all joined Courtney's Holiday Weight Loss Challenge?

 

I've been planking for #merryplanksmas - are you?

 

Holiday Squat-A-Thon is in full swing - anyone want to compare buns in 25 days?

 

 

Wowza, my weekend started out oh so good and ended oh so bad - how does that happen?

 

I headed out early from work on Friday for Wichita to see one of my favorite girls ever, Julie!   Saturday morning we ran the Jingle Bell Run - this was Julie's first race/run and she did fabulous!  I just went at my pace and she was there every step for the entire 4 miles!  4 miles, isn't that an odd distance?  I liked the run overall and will probably do it again, but there were some parts that I liked and some that I was like WTF?

WTFs:

• There were like 1500-1800 runners and there weren't start waves, resulting in a huge cluster F for the first mile or so.  After the first quarter mile you were on a little walking/running path along side the Arkansas River which was probably 8 foot wide and by not having start waves, I'm still unsure how somebody didn't end up in the water.
• Strollers, Joggers and Double Joggers - seriously!?  I'm all for running with a kid in tow, but I think they seriously shouldn't have been allowed at this run considering the path.  I can't tell you how many times a double-wide would run past us forcing us off the paved path, only then 30 seconds later coming to a complete halt right in front of you, in the middle of the path, leaving you with no where to go.  It just so happened that these same double-wide Momma's were into interval training, you see where I'm going with this?  Over and over, over and over this occurred until we were probably 2.5 miles in and the double-wide must have gotten tired.  Ugh!
• Water Stations - it was a 4 mile run.  I've only done 5Ks (3.1 miles) up until this run and there is always a water station half way through.  Well there was only one water station and it was at the 3 mile mark and I was dying (note to self carry own water)!  Then at the finish line, instead of volunteers with bottled water, Gatorade, banana's, etc. there was nothing in sight.  After meandering for a minute or so we saw a water "table" - table with Culligan water coolers.  Oh....too bad they ran out of cups! WTF? No bueno!

Pluses:

• Free Massages!  There were two massager people available after the run to rub you out, but there was a huge line and I personally wasn't turned on by either of the massager people so I passed, but it was available which I thought was great!
• Free Stretching!  Now, this I could get in to!  The chiropractor was H.O.T!  Probably mid to late 30's and handsome as hell!  He was doing stretching prior to the run, but with my hip issues I wanted a good post-stretch so I went on the hunt to see if he was still inside!  Much to my pleasure he was!  I waited in line as he stretched a 60 year old woman, then a 15 year old boy that had every problem in the world with some part of his body and didn't know what to do about it.  He used to be a long distance runner, but then switched to shorter distances and it just messed up some part of his body (he knew, but I can't remember where it was he was saying).  He didn't know if he should take a break because it was really hurting (I was really hurting too, for a little time with Doc Handsome) and should he ice and heat?  Ice then heat?  Heat then ice? Break in between the two?  Ice, heat one right after the other?  I was like Come the F on... Doc Handsome was even a little annoyed by the end of it... So finally, it was my turn - it went a little like this (yes, I'm completely inappropriate - especially in public):
• Doc Handsome - Hi!
• Me - Hey!  I was hoping you could help me, can you stretch my right hip out really good?
• DH - Yeah, sure. 
• At this point I was in process of laying on the table and had a ton of crap in my hands including a cup of water that I had finally snagged, and well I forgot there was still water in it and went to lay back and water spilt everywhere!  I'm so smooth.  I screamed, he laughed and cleaned it up.  I apologized and said I thought it was empty.
• DH - So what's wrong with your hip?
• Me - Oh, I have trouble with my leg lengths getting off then it messes with all the muscles in my hip and pulls them really tight or something - it just always hurts after I run.
• So he starts stretching me out and making small talk... asks my name, where I'm from, if I'm married (oh yeah), if I had ran because I didn't look like it (double oh yeah! *note to everyone - always pull your hair down immediately after running, gives you a sexy/hot mess look).
• Me (mid-stretch, loud scream b/c it really did hurt, but in a good way) - Oh, Uh, Ouch!
• DH - Hey, you are going to scare everyone away by yelling!
• Me - Well it hurts, I'd think that'd get you more takers though by screaming!  Uh, Oh!  Aaahhh....
• DH (laughing) - Stop it!
• Random Girl Walking By - Um...can I get what she's having?
• Me - You totally should, He makes it Hurt So Gooood!
• Me - See I told you I'd get your more girls... I mean patients? 
• DH - Just laughed... still stretching, me inaapropriately moaning and screaming, and it feels awesome!
• The session ended after about 10 minutes of bliss... and I didn't even get a picture of him!  Damn it!
• Julie's sister, Shelly (who is the most proper and polite girl I know) was so enticed by my screaming and making a scene that she decided to give Doc Handsome a whirl too!  She resisted screaming, but I knew she wanted to and even told her to just let it go!  She laughed, Doc Handsome laughed and I gave him a wink!  After he was done with Shelly he asked if I wanted to "Go again!"  haha!  I laughed and said "I think I'm good, I'm going to go home and BioFreeze my ass now!  He laughed and said it was nice to meet me and I did the same!  The End...

Starting Line - Pre Run Pic!

The cluster F that was the Start Line...

Still a cluster F as we got on the actual path...

Mile Markers!

Lots of Runners dressed in costume and there were awards for the best costume!

Shelly and Julie - such cute sisters!

Finish Line!  Shelly kicked our tails running it in 37 minutes, while Julie and I finished at 47 minutes!

After the run, we went to the cutest little sandwhich/pub place, called Artichoke and had a light lunch!  Then Julie and I headed to the mall for pedicures (which sucked) and I did a little Christmas shopping!  An afternoon nap, then we headed out to Larry Bud's to watch the K-State game.  I'm so not into football, but Julie's fiance, Chris, played football at K-State so I guess they are big on it!  :-)  I loved the bar we went to, it was a sports bar with huge tables and comfy chairs.  It was so chill - well except for the two strippers-in-making that were celebrating a birthday in their tight, mini dresses and climbing on tables... I was secretly jealous, of course I wanted to be the skinny, drunk girl like back in the day!  :-(

 

Excited for Football...

Sunday morning I got up and headed out for the 2.5 hour drive back to SEK!  After two evenings involving alcohol I felt so bloated, see Exhibit A.  Yuck!  I picked up Jack in Columbus on my way home and we headed to Walmart and did some grocery shopping, then we were homeward bound!

 

We went from the first picture below of our smiling "We Survived Walmart" picture, to the second picture of my poor boy being brought down by the FLU in a matter of seriously 5 minutes.  As soon as we walked in the door at home Jack barfed, chocolate stuff, all over the living room floor!  He continued to throw up every hour or so until all he could do was dry-heave until about 9pm... he slept in between every visit to his little trash can which is so unlike him so we knew he wasn't feeling good!

"We Survived Walmart!"

Flu Bug's Suck...

 

Lastly, we jumped on the "Elf on the Shelf" bandwagon this year!  I'd like to introduce you to Jack's Elf... Mr. Jack-Elf!  One name, Jack-Elf - no last name.  Jack named him all on his own (obviously)!  Here's to hoping this Momma can remember to move this damn thing every night!

 



Mr. Jack-Elf

Jack also had his first wrestling practice last night, but I had Bunko so I didn't get to go and The Husband didn't take any pictures (of course) to document the occasion!  Boo...  On a positive note, I won 50 dolla's at Bunko!  It was intense - it came down to a "Roll Off" but I prevailed!  What!?  What!?

Last Item - I'm going to do my "Santa Pic Fail" Link Up early next week!  I'll keep everyone posted, so you have the weekend to dig out your old photos and get them scanned in to your computer!

xoxo