Friday, March 8, 2013

Boobs, Boobs, Boobs, Boobs...

The title in my mind is set to the LMFAO song Shots...
Tuesday was the big day - the Big Boobie Makeover!  I've been posting some quick notes to my Homegirl since, but today I wanted to give you ladies a little bit more of what I was feeling before and after the surgery and then also what I was most surprised by post-surgery.

Monday night I kept it pretty low key and just hung out with my favorites since I knew it would be days before I would be able to have them crawl all over me and sit with me!  This has to be one of the biggest pitfalls to the whole surgery process.  Little Miss doesn't do well when she sees her Momma, but can't be with me.  :-(
Dr. Old Balls has you take 3 doses of an antibiotic the day before surgery in hopes of discouraging any type of infection post-surgery!  Other than that, the only prep is to also wash with Hibiclense - which is a pink antibacterial body wash.  Let me tell you that stuff is nasty!  Dries out your skin instantly and you can't use any lotions or creams afterwards - talk about uncomfortable!  Oh, and no food or water after midnight, duh!  I also did my weigh in for Erin's Diet Bet Monday night and managed to snap some B pics of the boobs.

Tuesday morning we were up bright and early, dropped the kids at daycare and headed over to Joplin.  I was definitely anxious at this point and even a little on edge, I was just ready to get it over with!
After we got to the surgery center first things first, they make you shell out the rest of the money you owe them - go figure.  After that I was taken back and given my lovely gown, a hair net thing, weird paper sock/shoes and had to give a urine sample to make sure I wasn't pregnant.  By the way, I went in to force said urine sample and wouldn't you know I started my freaking period - thanks alot Aunt Flow, your timing is impeccable!  Just one more thing I was going to have to deal with this week. 

Dr. OB finally came in and drew all over me, making his pathway for the surgery.  I really wish I could have had someone snap a picture of his pathway.  Some of you had asked me what they actually do and this diagram gives a pretty easy explanation without getting too technical.  Here is also a link to OB's website and the video for a breast lift procedure (if you anyone is interested) -

Surgery took longer than expected, he had me scheduled for 2 - 2.5 hours, I'm not sure how long it actually took, but I think he had to end up doing more work to "even" them out then he had originally anticipated.  To be honest, even though I haven't unwrapped yet and I'm still really swollen - I still feel like my right boob is bigger, so I'm not sure how I feel about that right now...
We didn't end up making it back to the house until a little after 3pm and I was miserable!  I kept telling the nurses that I felt like something was digging into the incision under my breasts, they kept assuring me there wasn't.  Dr. OB stopped by afterwards briefly and I remember him saying something about deep stitches and that's why it was hurting, but I was pretty out of it so who knows.  I remember crying/whining on the way home (it was about a 45 minute drive), every bump, sudden stop/braking or quick acceleration left me breathless!  I don't know what The Husband didn't understand about the fact that I had just had surgery, but I don't think I ever wanted to stab him in his dick more than I did in those 45 minutes - then he had the nerve to take a conference call while we were in the car!  AssssHhhooooooolllee!
So today is Day 4 post-op and I feel pretty great!  Tuesday was bad, Wednesday was horrible, Thursday was better and today is good!  I can definitely tell an improvement from day to day in the pain and swelling.  Old Balls said I could unwrap for up to 30 minutes/day starting on Wednesday, but I've yet to unwrap at all!  I'm scared to, I don't know why - I just am!  I guess in my mind I think once I unwrap them, they will probably move and that it will hurt?  I don't know!  I have to unwrap today, I just need to woman-up and do it!
I've been trying to decide how to describe the pain or feeling I've had since the surgery.  Here is what I have come up...
  • The first thing you notice is the heavy feeling on your chest - like an elephant is literally sitting directly on your chest.
  • The inability to take a nice, big deep breath - this drove me insane!
  • The worst part of the day is the morning, when you first wake up and have to get out of bed.  I'm assuming its from having been laying down so long, but when you first sit up or stand up - it feels like your boobs are being pulled off, it's a weird and definitely uncomfortable feeling.
  • You can't use your arms and this makes sitting/laying down or sitting/standing up very difficult and awkward.  It also makes it hard to like adjust yourself in a chair or in bed b/c you can't use your arms to push yourself up or back.
  • You have to lay on your back, at an incline - this is just plain uncomfortable.
  • You can't feed yourself for like the first day or two because you can't move your arms up to your mouth! I'm serious.
  • The sore muscle feeling - I don't know why, but I didn't really expect it and it's not even just my's my lower back, my neck - I think this has to do more with the position you lay in though.
  • Now, for the biggest surprise that I never anticipated...You cannot go to the bathroom by yourself for at least the first 2 days.  I would have never thought of this fact before going in!
I felt like this lady, my arms felt so swollen and pushed out that I couldn't put them down straight - let alone reach my "uh-oh" in order to properly cleanse myself after using the restroom (after squatting just to get on the toilet)!  So The Asshole Husband was a necessity at this point, unfortunately!  I really could have used one of these "old people" extended wiper deals - keep that in mind if any of you ladies decide to get your boobs done!

I go back to see Dr. Old Balls Monday morning.  He will remove the dressings and tape and then put new dressings back on.  Like I said, I'm freaking out about that - I do NOT want to pass out!  LOL!


  1. 1.) Never heard of that wipey thing for old people, why have you? :)
    2.) HOLY SHIT! To all of it!
    3.) I want to do it!!!
    4.) Were you affected by the Joplin tornado?

  2. Thank you for sharing about this! I love being able to read an honest recap (none of that it didn't hurt that bad shit) - I plan on getting a "mommy makeover" once I lose all this weight. And my boobs are totally uneven too. Hope you feel better soon!

  3. Ok I think I was fine and ready to get mine done, until the whole help with the bathroom part. YIKES!! That is one thing I refuse to let my hubby see, me wiping! Hmm....I guess I can get that old person wiper thing??? Can't wait to hear how you like the new "girls"! Thanks or sharing all the deets, now I just need to make the appt.
    Have a great weekend!

  4. Holy crap batman!! I've never heard the arm thing before. Good to know. As I've told you before after the weight loss and magic number heaven I'll be doing the tummy tuck and boob lift. I'm a little scared but your honesty has helped. Yikes. Maybe I'll look for an outpatient care place like the celebs not sure I want the hubs wiping my bits. I'm glad things are feeling alittle better. I hope your appt on Monday goes well and hopefully the feeling the other boob was bigger was just swelling. Have a relaxing weekend girlie.

  5. Wow, I didn't know a boob job would affect moving your arms. Suck!! Glad you are feeling better though.

  6. Omg!!! I just peed myself (thank you Evan and Ally!) I'm laughing so hard! I would die if my husband had to wipe me while I was on my period! Haha! Sounds pretty painful, glad you're feeling better! How long before the swelling is down?

  7. I just peed myself (thank you Evan and Ally!) I'm laughing so hard! I would die if my husband had to wipe me while I was on my period! Haha! Sounds pretty painful, glad you're feeling better! How long before the swelling is down?

  8. I know this is gross but after reading all that all I can think about was that you were on your period and your husband had to help you go to the bathroom! Omg I'm sure you're both loving that! Lol

  9. I'm so sorry that it has sucked. I read your IG post before this so I am glad to hear that they look better then you thought. I hope that you continue to heal quickly. And Megan is hysterical with only thinking about you being on your period and your hubby helping, I hadn't even thought of it, sucks butt! Sorry.

  10. Glad to hear it went well! I had been wondering about you since we chatted via e-mail :) I had the same keyhole procedure. I hope you like the way it turned out! I'm sure you won't be disappointed.

  11. So glad I came and got caught up on your blog! Can't wait to see the after pics! :) Hope your recovery continues to go well and hopefully you can get some drinks in ya soon!