Wednesday, June 11, 2014

We Can't Be Friends...Gym Edition

Sorry... I'm not sorry, but I'm just not over the above incident yet! Ha! Yesterday afternoon, after trying everything I could think of short of snorting Spark up my nose to get THE smell away... side note: let me tell you...nothing worked, like nothing... it led me to thinking about all the things that annoy the shit out of me at the gym; the types of things that automatically get you scratched from the Friend list! Thus I give to you...

We Can't Be Friends...Gym Edition!

We can't be FRIENDS if...

{ONE} You smell. Period. There are multiple ways to smell, none of which are acceptable! Let's have straight up Body Odor - like the onion, mustard, make me vomit instantly kind! You find it necessary to give yourself a fresh bath in your perfume, cologne, body spray, axe, whatever! Your mouth smells, as in your BREATH! Like GROSS, Bro!

{TWO} You are a "Gym Creep". This is for the dudes, you know who you are! If I don't know you OR given you the impression that I want to know you (let's be clear here, this never happens) - please don't stare at me, wink at me, wave to me or approach me! Like ever! It's WEIRD, Bro!

{THREE} You make noise. Whether it's singing to the music playing in your head ear buds or the music playing on the gym stereo, for the LOVE of all things gym - do not sing! I don't care if you sound like Miranda Lambert or Blake Shelton, I still don't want to hear it! NO ONE wants to hear it! Yes, in case you are wondering, the's just as bad! *Side Note: The people that don't wear ear buds...they geek me out!* Then we also have the grunting, oh the grunting! Now, I get it, a grunt every now and then is tolerable... however grunting, moaning and groaning with every.single.rep is NOT! Go LIGHTER, Bro!

{FOUR} You abuse the Water Fountain. Do not spit in the water fountain. Do not put your lips on the water fountain spout. Do not hover over the water fountain spout and pant, breath all over it. WTF, Bro!

{FIVE} You compete with me, or any other female at the gym. This is for the ladies, I'm all for having a source of motivation/inspiration don't get me wrong, but if you are that girl that comes to the gym on the daily just looking to compete with the other girls at the gym you might be cray! You are the girl that wears the H2T coordinated outfits, the girl that stares at my treadmill screen, the girl that eyeballs me from across the room, the girl that always leaves her hair down, that stares at herself in the mirror but is also constantly scanning the other women to see who is also looking her way. Yeah, THAT girl, Bro!

{SIX} You dress all sorts of wrong. I've witnessed flip flops in the gym, shorts on guys that basically shoved their balls in my face, people in jeans, men in jorts (this should never happen - anywhere), women in moo moo's, or the sin of all gym clothes sins - the SAME outfit! Wash that SHIT, Bro!

{SEVEN} You bring your kids in the gym! I'm all about bringing your kids to the gym and dropping them off at the daycare! However, bringing your kids in the gym - like in the gym, one in a stroller and one walking around, why!? It's annoying, stupid, distracting, but most of all it isn't safe! Use the damn DAYCARE, Bro!

{EIGHT} You bring your laptop in the gym, set it up like a TV and proceed to do a workout DVD...right there in the gym! I mean, what!? Stay HOME, Bro!

{NINE} You are dirrrty, and not in the good Christina Aguilera way! For the love of God and all the MF'n signs hanging up every 5-10 feet instructing you to do so - wipe down your equipment/machines! It's not hard! It takes seconds! Just DO IT, Bro!

I hate to leave it on an odd number, but such is life! 
Now, you tell we agree on these things? What's YOUR biggest gym pet peeve!?


  1. #8 is just confusing to me. People really do that? Why bother having a gym membership.

  2. hahahahaha!! This made me laugh out loud, and also be thankful I do at home workouts:) Really--a workout dvd in the Gym?? lol

  3. Why of my biggest pet peeves is people trying to have a conversation with me at the gym. Drives me bonkers! I'm trying to workout and they are interrupting my sets or making it so I can't even finish bc I have to pick my kids up from the daycare before their time expires.

  4. LOL... just so you know, you & I could be friends because I agree with all of those :)

  5. I so know what your talking about! The worst for me is smokers. You just cant get away from the smell!!!

  6. I so know what your talking about! The worst for me is smokers, you just cant get away from the smell!!!

  7. Funniest thing all day!
    I went to the gym last night and I swear there were at least 8 of the nine things happening! Thank god I had to workout room to myself!

  8. Not wiping the equipment down is a pet peeve of mine! I don't want your nasty germs on me. And two, you forgot to mention the woman who comes in smelling like dirty cooter. She knows who she is. There is always that one girl on an elliptical who just stanks like dirty cooter.

  9. Pet peeve...when I wipe down the equipment I've used and then a gym worker comes over and wipes it down again. Did I not do a good enough job? Could you wait until I'm not paying attention to do that? haha I cannot stand the wedge sneakers at the gym on the treadmill. You can't run in those, bro!

  10. OH yes! I just want to add, carrying on a full conversation on your cell phone (LOUDLY) through your headphones while you workout. Step out into the hallway and take your phone call. I do not need to know what's going on with your BFF or your family nor do I need to know about your weekend for or what you did on your vacation.

    Let me also add, super short shorts on girls that are so TIGHT that they can not POSSIBLY be comfortable. Gross.

  11. Omg. I love you.

    AMEN for the gym attire - girl I have seen flip flops, huge work boots, a DRESS, jeans, khaki work pants and I am just like.... no. Then there is the girl who wants to compete with everyone and I am just thinking? No girl, we are all in this together, don't be a bitch. And the water fountain abuser needs to be FINED. Straight FINED.