Hunt'n For The Muff

One afternoon at work, there I was just Excel'n my brain to the skull-bone thing, when I randomly glance over at my phone and see I have a new Facebook notification!  Break Time!  I pick up my phone and begin to read a new post on my timeline from Tonya, our amazing Daycare Provider...

I got a Proud Mommy Moment for you, but maybe you should sit down for this...here's how it went:

  "Hey Honya, guess what?!  Me and my Daddy and Coco ... oh and Papa, we are all going to go muff hunting this weekend!" 

Yep, that's right, you read that correctly, MUFF HUNTING! You should be SO proud!

I replied right away, well after I stopped laughing hysterically, and asked if she was sure that's what he was saying!  She confirmed that he was indeed saying muff hunting and that he had said it multiple times and to multiple people throughout the afternoon.  I, of course, was all "I don't even know where he would have heard the word muff, but it wasn't from me because I don't say muff, I say crotch!"

Once I got to her house for pickup I again asked her if she was sure, she said yes and to ask him myself if I didn't believe her!  I honestly thought she was just  misunderstanding the word he was saying because I had zero clue where the word muff would have come from, for real!  I'm the first to admit that I say a lot of things in front of my kids that probably aren't the most appropriate, but I never use the word muff - for anything, well, other then muffins, I guess but I mean there's "ins" on the end! So I asked him...

Me: Jack what are you doing this weekend with Daddy and Papa?

Jack: Going muff hunt'n!

Me: Nooooooo! Shed! You are going shed hunting!

Jack: Ooooooh yeah, shed hunt'n! I tuhgot what it was called.

Me: Jack, do you know what muff means?

Jack: No...

Me: It's another word for vagina! 

            Jack's face immediately goes to an "O" face and he puts his hands over his mouth...

Me: Yeah, you've been telling everyone all day that you are going vagina hunting!

Jack (giggling): Buh-gina! Ooooooh no! Not buhgina hunt'n!... Hey Honya! Girls have a buhgina, boobies and bottom! Boys have a penis, balls and bottom...and tiny boobies!  Honya, you have a buhgina and it's right here (pointing to his crotch) in the middle! My Momma's is in the middle, so is yours and No-wahs!

Yes, he knows what a vagina is...he asked, I told him. Sorry, not sorry! I wasn't going to make up some weird nickname for it, but if you did/do/have/will then more power to ya! I just don't roll like that and to each their own.

Jack (singing): Buh-gina! Buh-gina! Girls have a buhgina!

Me: Jack, stop! That's enough body parts for today!

End Scene...

You're Welcome...for the laugh or that it's over, either is fine with me!

Mi Familia...

Hey Y'all! I wanted to do a post today about Me! Me! Me! Me! and my little family!

Let's start with Me! Me! Me! Me! I am a super smart (no really, I am), confident, sassy, honest, cute, dirty thirty-one year old Momma of two. I work full-time, love to run and work out, I have a slight major shopping addiction and a passion for fashion. I live in SEK (Southeast Kansas), born and raised, with my adorable little family!



Welcome To The Spear Shack!

The Husband is a Gypsy, traveling non-stop for his career! This means I single-mom-it M through F most weeks! We have been married 5 long, long, long years; which tends to happen when you get knocked up on your Honeymoon...or maybe it was the week of the wedding, but I'll never tell! Eek!

The Son is all Boy! Jack Nolan is an out of control, rambunctious, handsome, hilarious and sweet 4 year old!  He loves all things outdoors; hunting, baseball, helping his Papa in his garden, finding flowers for his Momma, jumping on the trampoline or playing with his neighborhood friends! He is a wonderful big brother; he is patient, kind and never minds sharing his food, drink, toys or whatever else his baby sister demands.

The Daughter is a Diva! Norah Jane (Bean) is just like her Momma and she only just turned 2 years old! Some call is cute, I call it Karma! She loves brushing her hair and putting on makeup, wearing dresses every single day, taking care of her babies and always insists on having a bow in her hair! She also has a sassy side and she doesn't hesitate to tell you if things aren't going her way! The Husband calls her a Sour Patch Kid which is actually a perfect description of her, one minute she smacks the shit out of you and the next she is hugging and loving on you!

The Dog is an almost 4 year old Boxer! Oscar! We adopted Oscar in May 2013, and now, I don't think any of us could imagine life without him! He is the BEST pup! He allows the kids to maul him and he never reacts, but yet he is just playful enough when he rough-houses with Jack! He is protective, he thinks he is a lapdog, and he is the best snuggle buddy EVER!

So that's us...I hope you'll stick around and ride this roller coaster that we call life with us!  Eventually I want to do some Home Tour posts too...if I can ever get this house how I want it! 

Five Years...

Thank Goodness It's Friday! 

It's a very special day at the Spear Shack... it's The Husband and I's Five Year Wedding Anniversary! 

I wanted to share with y'all some of our wedding photos!  Mostly for attention because I love it, but also because The Husband rarely makes an appearance on the blog!  What can I say, he's my Gypsy!

Enjoy...oh and stay tuned for a little wedding horror story after the photos...



 

 

Gorgeous photos, right!?  However, did you notice anything different, odd, missing?...Say maybe our wedding party...family and friends...the ceremony and reception...maybe?  Well, let me tell you a story...I'm gonna break it down for you nice and easy...we do not have one single picture from our wedding day from the photographer we hired!  Not one!  I know...go ahead, gasp...I'll wait!  Oh and on top of that, I was 10 weeks pregnant with Jack in all of these photos...I know, right!?  So the wedding day went off without a hitch, well besides it torrential raining which lead to about a third of our rsvp'd guests pulling a no show and having a shit ton of wasted food and booze (well booze never goes to waste, but I digress)...otherwise it was a wonderful day!  I had my best girlfriends with me and I don't think I yelled at too many people?  Eek!

Our photographer was from my hometown, even though we got married in Pittsburg where we live, and she had shot numerous of my friend's weddings.  She did our engagement photos, loved them!  The day of the wedding I think she shot for 6 hours, maybe...we ventured outside in the rain and took the cutest group photos with black umbrellas, we spent an hour getting all the different family photos, she of course captured the ceremony and the reception and all that good stuff!

Fast forward 2 months, my cell rings and I see it was her, I was so excited because I knew this meant our photos were ready for viewing!  Squeal!  Instead I answer and immediately know something is up...she was rambling and mumbling and stuttering, finally I hear "I don't have any of your pictures from your wedding!"  I was all, "Say whaaaat!?" In the end, the disk she had in her camera was corrupt so when she went to pull the pictures off of it...she couldn't.  She had sent it out to two different data recovery places and they couldn't get anything off of it either.  There I was, now 6 weeks pregnant, bloated and without a single wedding photo...mother fuck!  Of course, she refunded all of our money and asked if she could at least do a "studio"shoot with us.  My first thought was, "yeah, sure if I can get my gut back in my body hugging, unforgiving, straight, zero poof, lace dress."  Followed by, "where is my dress?!"  And lastly, "Fuck!  I just cut off all my hair!"  I had cut about 12 inches off my hair the week after our honeymoon, so those are extensions in all of the photos!  LOL!

Four weeks later we had our studio shoot and I have to admit, we ended up with some amazing photos of The Husband and me...but it's not the same, no way - no how!  I am thankful for the photos we do have though, and my step-mom actually took quite a few candid shots throughout the day so we do have those as well!  Here are a few photos from our actual wedding day!

Moral of the story:  When life gives you lemons, you might end up with some gorgeous photos...just not the ones you really wanted, but be thankful and satisfied with what you do have!

Anyone else have a wedding horror story!?  Do share!?

 xoxo



Bean's Birth Story...

With some of my favorite blog sisters being pregnant (plus the fact that I know you all can't get enough of my Gorgeous Girl) and all I thought I'd throw it back to January 2012 and share Norah Jane's birth story...it's a doozy!  This post was originally posted on my OLD family blog here.

So...this goes out to Lora, Annie, KellyAnne, Marianne and Keyona!

Oh girls, where to begin! I think that everything that every pregnant woman fears happening when it comes to labor and delivery happened during Norah Jane's induction. This post is probably going to be the most TMI post I've ever written to date, so I apologize in advance BUT you have been warned!

We arrived at the hospital at 6am on Monday, January 3oth. With Jack I had the most wonderful nurse, the second our nurse walked in the room I knew it was going to be a LONG day. She just had that "I hate my life" look on her face, definitely not welcoming at all! She also had really long hair, like almost to her butt and it was just hanging down everywhere LOOSE. I remember commenting to Chris that her hair was freaking me out b/c it was everywhere, haha! Let me tell you she not only hated her life, but she soon made me hate mine as well. She was the ROUGHEST individual I have ever been "checked" by - like I thought I was going to die and she kept wanting to check me and check me and check me and each time was more painful then time before.

Anyway, a little back story - the whole reason we induced was because Norah Jane was not engaging into my pelvis at all and I was dilating each week. When we checked in the hospital I was 3 cms, but Norah was still just bouncing around. Dr. Shaw was concerned that with her still being so bouncy that if my water broke on it's own that we would run the risk of having her cord or a hand slip out with the gush of the water breaking. I had never heard of this before, but a friend of mine confirmed the theory when I told her about it (she had just had a friend that the exact thing happened to a couple weeks before and her friend had to have an emergency c-section). So I was told that the plan was NOT to break my water, but that we were going to start the Pitocin and hope that I would progress without my water being broken - they were hoping that they could break my water right before delivery (spoiler - this did NOT happen).

We started the Pitocin and the contractions started coming. With Jack, Dr. Shaw broke my water and immediately called for anesthesia so I actually never really felt any contractions - this time I was NOT so lucky. Dr. Shaw didn't want to give me my epidural right away and wanted me to try the IV pain meds, to which I refused (because of all the horror stories I've heard about them). The Pitocin started at 7am and I made it to about 1:30pm before I was definitely ready for my epidural...contractions suck! I also had only progressed to 4cms by this time so I figured it was only going to get worse and be a long day!

The anesthesia guy came into the room and at this point I was having some pretty intense contractions. So he gets set up and explains everything and then gets started...I was having contractions and curled in a ball and trying not to move - they kept saying "Oh you are doing good, doing great, almost done..." to only then say "I'm going to have to move up a level"... ugh! So basically he had to do the epidural twice and it sucked...by the time he was done I was dripping sweat and my nurse thought I was going to pass out! I assured her I was fine, it was just the contractions and being curled over for so long and having my hair all in my face. I guess there are 2 different options for getting the epidural medicine as well, they can put it right in your back when they do whatever it is they do or you can run it through the little IV looking machine -which obviously takes a little longer to work. Well my blood pressure had been dropping lower and lower all day - at one point it was 90 over 43 (and no I never got a good answer on why it was doing that), so they said the only option was the IV route for getting the epidural meds b/c the other way causes your blood pressure to drop and since mine was so low already it wasn't an option.

So if you are keeping score, here is where we stand...
1. Mean/Rough Nurse
2. Contractions, Contractions, Contractions
3. Two Attempt Epidural
... it only gets better from here, keep reading...

My nurse said that she had a meeting at 2pm so she was going to give me about 10 minutes and then she would put my catheter in once I numbed up some. Well when she came back in I told her I could still feel quite a bit, I couldn't feel my contractions, but I could feel my legs and even lift them a little bit. She thought I was nuts, but I showed her how I could lift my legs. She then said well let me check you and I told her I could feel her, but not like I could before. She said, "Well I will be in my meeting for an hour so if I don't put your catheter in now and you pee the bed don't be mad at me!" I said OK. Not 5 minutes after she left I was talking to Chris and laughed and proceeded to pee the bed a little. When my mom came back in I asked her to help me change the pads under me. So her and Chris had to roll me side to side like they do the really old people in nursing homes and as soon as they started to roll me to the first side I started laughing, thus peeing and not just peeing a little, like full on pee. Chris was like, "Darci stop, its coming off the bed!" Haha! So my mom just stuck a pee pad right in between my legs and pretty much left it at that! When my nurse came back she got my catheter in and cleaned up my bed a little bit.

I was still pretty much 4cms all afternoon, about 5pm my nurse said she wanted to check me again and then she was going to call Dr. Shaw and see if she wanted to come break my water or what the plan was going to be. She checked me and said I was maybe 5cms at that point. She said Norah's head still wasn't engaged at all and she could push her head away. She kept saying, "Oh yeah, we can't break your water with her head like this...no way." Then she said "Well let me see what she does when you have a contraction if I can still push her away" As she was waiting on the contraction she commented on how bulging my bag of water was, then I got a contraction and she said, "Oh yeah, I can still push her away, there is no way we can break your water like this" and that's when I felt a huge gush! She had put her finger through my water bag and broke it! The look on her face was the classic "Oh Shit!" I knew she was freaking out, but I tried to just remain calm. Chris on the other hand jumped up and asked if she needed him to do anything and she said "Towels, towels - we need towels!" Chris moved faster than I've seen in years. Luckily, the nurse didn't jerk away when my water broke, she kept her hand in there to act as a "cork" and then slowly every couple minutes let a little more water drain out, this was to ensure the cord didn't come out - which was what we were trying to avoid! After what seemed like an hour she assured me that all the water was out and Norah's head had already engaged and everything was fine! What A Relief! Chris was pissed, pissed that the nurse was so rough and pissed that she wasn't friendly and pissed that she broke my water! Haha!

At 5:30 my nurse checked me again and I was 6cms and she said she had also called and told Dr. Shaw that my water had broke. Dr. Shaw came in a couple minutes later and said she figured another couple hours and that she was going to run home and feed her girls dinner and then head back. Around 5:50pm Norah's heart rate started dropping with each contraction, at first the nurse wasn't too concerned b/c she figured the cord was just being compressed during the contraction because it rebounded after the contraction ended. Ok, I can buy that - but the stupid monitor alarm kept going off after each contraction and was so annoying. Finally the nursery nurse came in to check the alarm and asked when the nurse last checked me and I said she was supposed to come back at 6:30pm to check me again - I looked at the clock and it was 6:20pm so I said in 10 minutes. The nursery nurse said, well I'm going to go ahead and check you - by the look on her face I knew something was up, she said "Well I'm pretty sure you are complete!" Before she even got out of the room she was on the phone with Dr. Shaw. My regular nurse didn't believe the nursery nurse that I was complete - I went from 6cms to 10cms in under an hour.

Everything seemed to kick into high gear at that point, the nursery nurse was setting up for Norah, my nurse was getting everything set up for Dr. Shaw. I kept saying I felt like I needed to push and they were like, just wait Dr. Shaw will be here any minute! Dr. Shaw walked in and it was "go time". I had been joking all day that I had alot to live up to because I had Jack in one contraction with only 2 pushes. Norah Jane took 2 contractions (4 pushes the first contraction and 3 pushes the second one). Chris informed me that I did indeed poop, again... while I was pushing. I knew I was going to so I wasn't surprised! Ha!

So here is the final score...
1. Mean/Rough Nurse
2. Contractions, Contractions, Contractions
3. Two Attempt Epidural
4. Peed The Bed
5. Nurse Broke My Water - Unintentionally
6. Pooped the Bed
7. Our Recovery/Permanent Room had clogged drains and the Engineering Men (fancy for Maintenance Men) had to come and snake the drains TWICE!

When they put Norah up on my chest it was love at first sight! I could tell she was bigger than her brother was for sure. And it was wonderful to see her healthy - all of our fears and worries had been for nothing! We sure are blessed and so very thankful for her to be here and join our family!

We love you Norah Jane! xoxo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xoxo

Weekend Rewind...

Hola Ladies! 
I'm linking up this morning afternoon with Sami for Weekend Shenanigans!brought to you via PICTURES! 

 one The Husband's newest tattoo, she might maybe kind of resemble someone we all know and love.

two Jack and Cam after the Friday Matinee of Monster's University, they loved it.

three The Last Exorcism Part 2 - we LOVE scary movies, this one pretty good.  The Husband is always more creeped out by them, so he couldn't sleep and stayed up until 3am working - although he will say it's because he has "so much work to do"...we all know the truth!

four Bean's Birth Date Tattoo, this is numero quatro in the ink department for me, love it!

 five Herbal Cleanse started yesterday so an Oreo Sonic Blast was a must Saturday evening!

six 21 AND OVER - hilarious!  So, so, so funny!  A must see - it's like The Hangover but the college edition!

seven Identity Theft - loved it!  It was amazingly funny.  You should add it to your list to see!

eight New tanks!  I shopped via text pictures from my good friend, B! We love Audacious Boutique.

Sunday Funday!!

nine Norah mucho enjoying her ice cream cone on a little break from the sun and pool!  Truth be told she wasn't in the best of moods.

ten The Super Moon or whatever, I made The Husband go outside and snap a picture at 11pm last night because I forgot and I think it's a requirement to have a picture of the Super Moon or whatever.

eleven The Monster, known as Oscar, that I had to deal with in the truck. Oscar no good truck rider!

twelve Who needs swimming trunks?  Not Jack, I'm hoping his love of the Speedo-style wears off by the time he hits middle school...yikes!

 

How were your weekends? 
Use the button below to head on over to Sami's Shenanigans and link up!

 

xoxo

Weekend Rewind...

Via Tons of Pictures...and Few Words!

 

My Friday Night was better than yours: RufflesWithLove Tank Shopping, Puppy Cuddles with Oscar, Goodie Bags for Jack's Birthday Party and a Chick Flick! #safehaven

I was up at 4:50am to head to Joplin for the the Memorial 5K Run at 6:30am!  It was a great run, my best 5K time but my ugliest run to date!  Oh and my first "Finisher" medal!

I ran with my good friend, Brandy!  This was her 2nd 5K and I have to admit, she kicked my ass!  Couldn't be more proud of her, but next time I will either beat her or be with her!
Another friend, Amanda, ran her first half and finished 3rd in her Division!  She amazes me, finished in 1:51!

Up next was Jack's Birthday Party!  His birthday isn't until the 28th but Memorial Day Weekend always jacks up his birthday parties!  He was so excited!

Bean loved the foam block pit!

 



Balance Beam & Presents!



Ready for Date Night with great friends!

He still hates taking pictures...

Ghostbusters!  Love me some, Amanda!

The Husband was checkin' out the goods...I was not impressed...

Look Y'all!  I baked!  Who knew it was so easy!?  #justaddwater

The kids playing at Mimi and Papa's yesterday...Bean was jealous she wasn't in the pool too...

But she got her turn!

I live in Tornado Alley...last night was a scary one!  Winds up to 80mph, multiple tornadoes in the area and plenty reports of damage!  Eek!  Round 2 is scheduled to start up this afternoon!  We were lucky with no damage at the house today, I'm crossing my fingers to say the same tomorrow!

xoxo