Dear Halloween Candy - I'm sorry to do this to you, but you are going in the trash tonight. Jack will never even know what happened or where you went and that's the way I want it, so keep your fat mouth shut!
Dear Facebook - You have been replaced! Instagram is my new Home
Dear Right Hip - Will you please get my ass back in place soon? I have a 5K tomorrow and my ass is seriously dragging and it's all your fault! I ice you, stretch you, rub you and get nothing in return...
Dear Santa - Don't you know Christmas isn't for 2 months? Why are you having pictures tomorrow? Please don't be offended when Jack shows up in a black sweater with a skull and crossbones blazing across the middle of his chest... after all you're the asshole that showed up early this year!
Dear Miranda Lambert - I love you! I want to be your BFF! I may or may not have a girl crush on you...ok I DO have a girl crush on you!
Dear Jack and Norah - Please cooperate with Santa tomorrow morning! PLEASE! This shit costs money so I'd like at least one of you to NOT be screaming in the picture!
Dear Mother Nature - Figure your shit out! Is it Fall or is it Winter? This back and forth crap is for the birds (who want to fly south, or is it north?) and don't even get me started on Daylight Savings Time...
